(Standard bedroom setting; Sunday morning; Husband is lounging on the bed in
his pajamas with a remote in hand; a TV stands against the far wall. Wife is fully
dressed, and strides in and out of the room.)
Wife:
|
(stepping
into the room, mid-sentence) Have you seen my keys?
|
Husband:
|
(stares
blankly)
|
Wife:
|
(hustles
around the room) I can’t find my keys. Where are they?
|
Husband:
|
(looks
up) I’m sure they are around somewhere.
|
Wife:
|
Then
where are they? Why can’t I find them? I’ve looked everywhere…
|
Husband:
|
(yawns)
What time is it?
|
Wife:
|
Ha?
Can’t you see the clock in front of you? It’s 10:30.
|
Husband:
|
(clicks
the remote a few times, till he settles on the right channel)
|
Wife:
|
(goes
out of the room, and then comes in back shortly) I still can’t find my keys…where
are they?
|
Husband:
|
They’ll
turn up somewhere.
|
Wife:
|
You’re
useless…
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…
|
Wife:
|
(suddenly
catches sight of the keys, fallen next to the bed) There they are
|
(Wife takes her keys, and
steps out of the room. Two hours later, wife returns. Husband is in exactly the
same spot, on the bed, in his pajamas, watching TV).
Wife:
|
(striding
into room, dumping her purse) Whew, it’s so hot outside today.
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…
|
Wife:
|
The
brunch was really good. I had the egg
salad, and then also the strawberry tart for dessert.
|
Wife:
|
(puts
her hand on her stomach) I think I ate too much. I can’t afford to put on
more weight.
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…
|
Wife:
|
(looks
at herself in the mirror) I shouldn’t have had desert. Have I been putting
on weight?
|
Husband:
|
(not
looking up from his TV) No dear.
|
Wife:
|
Tell
me really, no. Have I put on weight? Am I looking fat?
|
Husband:
|
(looks
up) No, not at all, dear.
|
Wife:
|
You
know that Sheila has put on her so much weight. I was seeing her today after
a long while. Her waistline is definitely bulging.
|
Husband
|
Hmm…
|
Wife:
|
And
you should hear that Tina go on and on about her new house.
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…
|
Wife:
|
Just
because she’s moved to the posh neighborhood, she thinks that she is better
than everyone else. And you know, she has gotten into that new club, The Executive Club, which no one seems to get into. Didn’t we also
apply?
|
Husband:
|
We
are on the waitlist. (clicks the remote). Do we have more batteries for this
thing?
|
Wife:
|
(absently
takes the remote from him, steps out and comes back with batteries) That Tina has got membership to The Executive Club. I believe it has
an amazing pool, and beautiful lawns; They have a lovely barbecue every
Sunday evening there.
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…
|
Wife:
|
(hands
back the remote, with the batteries replaced) They also have a superb party room where members can entertain guests.
|
Husband:
|
(takes
his remote back, and experiments with clicking)
|
Wife:
|
But Tina brags on and on about this and that. I can’t
stand it anymore. I don’t know why I even go out with her.
|
Husband:
|
Then,
why do you?
|
Wife:
|
What?
|
Husband:
|
If
you dislike Tina so much, then why do you go out with her?
|
Wife:
|
(frowns)
Because she is Julie’s friend, who is Kiran’s sister, who is in the same yoga
class with me and Kavi. Also, Tina’s niece goes to the same school as Veena’s
daughter and Veena is an office friend of my close friend, Tanya..
|
Husband:
|
(scratches
his head) Okaayy..
|
Wife:
|
…you wouldn’t understand…
|
Husband:
|
(goes
back to watching TV intently)
|
Wife:
|
Also,
next Saturday we are going out for dinner with the Kumar’s.
|
Husband:
|
(continues
watching his TV)
|
Wife:
|
And
the weekend after that, we are having lunch with my sister.
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…
|
Wife:
|
Oh,
did you get that crystal showpiece I asked you to pick up?
|
Husband:
|
Ha?
|
Wife:
|
It’s
available right next to your office. I reminded you to pick it up last
Sunday. (starts pacing around the room)
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…(leans
to the side, to watch the TV around his wife)
|
Wife:
|
I
can’t believe you forgot again.
|
Husband:
|
(still
straining his neck to watch the TV) I’ll get it tomorrow.
|
Wife:
|
That’s
too late. We had to take it as a gift for Ravi’s house-warming party tonight.
|
Husband:
|
Tonight?
|
Wife:
|
(notices
him leaning to look around her at the TV) What are you watching anyways?
|
Husband:
|
It’s
the Wimbledon quarter-finals.
|
Wife:
|
(turns
to look at the TV) You and your tennis.
|
Wife:
|
(turns
back to face him) The party is tonight, and now we have nothing.
|
Husband:
|
(still
watching the TV) Can’t we just pick up something on the way?
|
Wife:
|
No,
I had picked out the perfect gift, and you had to forget. I’ll just have to
go get that right now…unless you have some other brilliant ideas?
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…
|
Wife:
|
…I
didn’t think so…
|
Wife:
|
I’ll need to withdraw some money. I’m taking the debit card.
|
Husband:
|
Hmm…
|
(Wife opens the cupboard,
takes a few things, grabs her purse and heads out. Half an hour later, she comes
back into the bedroom to find her husband still in the same position on the bed,
in his pajamas, watching TV.)
Wife:
|
Oh
God, you still haven’t gotten out of bed. You haven’t even taken a bath. What
are you just sitting there? C’mon, get up, it’s past lunch time…
|
Husband:
|
(yawns,
stands up slowly, stretches out his arms, and disappears into the bathroom)
|
