Most of us lead mechanical lives. All our
reactions and choices are conditioned by what we’ve learned from society, from
people around us. We are like machines.
Someone tells you, "That t-shirt looks
amazing on you."
You start to blush and feel good about yourself.
Then someone tells you, "That t-shirt
makes you look fat."
You feel angry with the other person, and
bad about yourself.
Aren’t we all just little puppets? Press a
button and get a reaction.
We pick colleges, careers, and jobs under
the influence of our peers. We've forgotten who we are, what we really wanted,
what our intention was. Instead, we become the average of the people we spend
the most time with.
But why not become a perfect version of
yourself, rather than a poor copy of someone else?
“To be
yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the
greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.
But to be
yourself, you must first know yourself.
There is a broader obsession with
self-improvement these days. The top selling books are all self-help books.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to improve, but how many people bother to first
understand themselves?
Self-awareness is far more important.
Otherwise, you will forever be trying to “fix” yourself, always swimming
against the current, forcing a square peg into a round hole.
First, know yourself. Discover who you are
and what makes you tick.
How do you build self-awareness? Some people
write their thoughts in a journal and over time glean insights about themselves
from their writings. Some look back at their childhood photos, reminisce about who
they were then and who they are now, and identify the core parts of them that
always stay unchanged. Others discover themselves by constantly exploring new
places, having new experiences, and doing activities that bring them joy.
In truth, no one can give you a definitive
method or technique for self-awareness. You have to find your own way. Observe
yourself. Pay attention. Notice patterns. Introspect and dive deep into
yourself.
Think of a scientist studying the behavior
of birds. He wants to learn as much as possible about the birds. He has no
other aim. He is not trying to train them or change them. He's only interested
in observing and understanding them.
The day you attain a posture like that about
yourself, you will be on the path to self-awareness.
Study yourself. It is the most important subject
you’ll ever learn.
“The
unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates.
It is likely that you’ll learn the most
about yourself in times of challenge and hardship rather than in times of
comfort and convenience. In those moments of suffering and agony, your true nature
may reveal itself.
There are many things you can learn: What do
you want? What do you fear? What gives you joy? What causes you pain? What are
you good at? What are your limitations?
It will take courage and humility to accept
yourself, for you may learn things that are not to your liking. You might
discover your own pettiness, your controlling or vindictive nature, or
cowardice, or any number of other unflattering qualities. It won’t be easy to
accept these hard truths about yourself. Acceptance doesn’t mean you can’t
change or improve. But don’t be in denial. Acknowledge your flaws and failings,
and then build from there.
It may take a while, but you will find that
there is nothing more delightful and liberating than self-awareness. When you
know who you are, you can choose a life that resonates with your innate nature.
You can be comfortable in your own skin, and people won’t be able to hurt you
so easily.
You will be able to make peace with your
past, forgive yourself for the choices and mistakes you made, and let go of your regrets.
You will understand your own struggles and
suffering. When you're reading a book or watching a movie or show, you can empathize
with the characters and feel for their suffering. In the same way, you will finally
be able to understand and empathize with your own suffering. And when you
understand something, it no longer has a hold over you. You can accept it, and let
it go.
You will be able to live purposefully and create
meaning in your life. You will naturally gravitate towards things that bring
you joy. You will be able to make decisions quickly and instinctively.
When you are in tune with yourself, you might
find that large parts of your life flow effortlessly. There is a certain
lightness of being that comes from living an authentic life.
“Know
the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” The Bible.
Know yourself, and you will always be free.
