More on Happiness

Happiness is a favorite subject of mine, which I frequently contemplate upon. All of us constantly want to be happy. All of our activities, our pursuit of a successful career, a healthy body, an ideal relationship, an abundance of wealth or fame – are all directed searches for this fleeting state of happiness. Yet, it keeps eluding us. Even if we get what we think will make us happy, the feeling disappears before we know it.

As a deviation from the norm, this post will be echoing another person’s thoughts rather than my own. The person in question is spiritual guide, psychotherapist and Jesuit priest, Anthony De Mello. Here is what he had to say:

“Recall the kind of feeling you have when someone praises you; when you are applauded and approved. Contrast this with the kind of feeling that arises within you when you look at a beautiful sunset or read a book or watch a movie that you thoroughly enjoy.

Understand that the first type of feeling comes from self-glorification and self-promotion. It is a worldly feeling. The second comes from contentment and self-fulfillment. It is a soul feeling.

Here is another contrast: Recall the kind of feeling you have when you succeed, when you have made it, when you win a game or bet or argument, when you get that job offer, or college admission. Contrast it with the kind of feeling you get when really enjoy the activity that you are currently doing, when you so absorbed in the action that you lose track of time. Once again, notice the qualitative difference between the worldly feeling and the soul feeling.

Yet another contrast: Remember what you felt like when you had power, when you were the boss, when people looked up to you or when you were popular. Contrast that with the feeling of companionship, the times you simply enjoyed a conversation with a friend or group of friends in which there was fun and laughter.

Having done this, attempt to understand the true nature of worldly feelings, namely feelings of self-promotion and self-glorification. They are meant to appeal to your ego. They are not natural. They are invented by your mental conditioning. You are trained to believe if you succeed, win, have power, get applauded, then you should feel great. These feelings do not produce the nourishment and happiness that is produced when one contemplates Nature, or enjoys the company of a friend, a good book or movie or enjoys one’s work.

Then observe yourself during the course of a day or week and think how many of your actions are performed, how many activities you engaged in that were driven by your desire for attention, approval, fame, popularity, success, or power. And take a look at people around you. Is there a single one of them who has not become addicted to these worldly feelings, who does not hunger for them? When you see this, you will understand how people attempt to gain the world and in the process lose their soul.”